Post Infinitum
by thi3f
Summary: Everything's over, everyone's happy. Unfortunately, they're still human. Koji, Ryo inner thoghts. SPOILER FOR END OF SERIES


Post-infinitum  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Generator Gawl. It's a fantastic show, nearly made me cry, I love the characters. They all rule, even Masami's mum. But I don't own it, nope.  
  
Archiving? Sureness! Just ask me, 'kay?  
  
Personal: I just saw the last ep. ;_;  
  
Onwards!  
  
  
  
POST-INFINITUM  
  
  
  
-Koji-  
  
So what happens when everything falls down? Or worse, when everything falls together, puzzle-perfect? There isn't anything that you need to do anymore, and the world has done what comes naturally: use, abuse and lose.  
  
It did the first two with suprising ease.  
  
We were all lost the first few weeks after Gawl dreamt us a new time, and none of us were sure where we were going. I, for once, was in the garden of our house, kneeling before the den of damp, rich earth with sleeves rolled up above my elbows.  
  
It was part of my very scientific idea to 'earth-i-fy' myself. All the steel and technology of the past had just. . .become too much. I'd reached my limit for impersonal things, and I think I wanted something different.  
  
What, you thought that I, Koji, can't get along with plants? I'll tell you, I can do *anything* I put my mind to, I'm that good. It's not bragging, after all, if you've proven it true. And right now, I just wanted to grow something simple: a few marigolds, tulips, maybe a bleeding-heart bush or two and to keep the weeds *out*.  
  
My hand brushed against the delicate petals of a morning glory, all tight and bound up. Automatically, I mentally named the scientific anatomy of a flower.  
  
Style.  
  
Stigma.  
  
Sepal.  
  
Anther.  
  
Filament.  
  
Ovules.  
  
My hand dropped lower, fingertips brushing so very lightly over it as I tried to *see* the plant, and not just the parts that created such a delicate piece of life. I wanted to see it; I wanted to change.  
  
I would never be anything similar the future me, I swear. I swear it. Because he had lost touch, he didn't live. Kanai just existed, and it took looking myself in the face in the most literal sense to see that what people had always said was my greatest strength may become my great weakness. I'd nurture these flowers, damn them all to hell. I'd personally make sure they could embrace the day each morning and curl unto themselves each morning.  
  
So I remained in the garden until the sun set, trying to reinsert myself into the world I had always tried so hard to escape. I think at one time, I wanted to be an angel.  
  
  
  
  
  
-Ryo-  
  
  
  
I don't think Koji took it too well. Living here in this time, I mean. He's so fragile, though no one ever sees that side of him except for me, and that's only because I've known him for so long. He's delicate, he has a glasslike heart that he obscures behind a wall of numbers and pretend ruthlessness.  
  
But he's a very good man, I know that. I trust Koji, I guess. No, that's not right. There's something more important between us. We have faith in each other, but I know I cannot always trust him. But sometimes faith falters, and you aren't sure where you fit any longer.  
  
Like us.  
  
I really feel sorry for our situation. Gawl, our beloved Gawl, our wunderkid, can't Generate any longer, not without his core, and Koji just wanders around the house these days, except when he's out in the garden. Masami? Oh, she tries very hard to be there for all of us, Gawl especially, but she isn't quite the same, and I think she knows that too. She's excellent with denial, I'll give her that.  
  
I hope it doesn't bring us apart. I hope that subtle fissure doesn't widen between her and Gawl. They look so *happy* together. Even now, while Gawl wails over her food and she clocks him with a spoon. They both ignore me at the kitchen table with a cup of tea in my hands. That's all right. It makes me happy just to be here, with them all.  
  
It's a perfect, blue, diamond-sharp day out today, and it would be perfect for Koji if he's still in the garden. What does he want to prove there, anyway? He's looking haggard again and I don't know why. Something's bothering him, something has rent deep within his heart ever since we met our future-selves in the chopper.  
  
I love him. I love them all so much, sometimes I think that this all has to be a dream, and one day I'll wake up back in the *real* world where Professor Saito threatens us all and we have to fight and fight and fight.  
  
When I sip my tea, I can't help but smile, because we're not there. We're *here*. And I think that Gawl chose right for us, and this really is heaven, or Utopia.  
  
I'm sorry Gawl.  
  
  
  
  
  
-Koji-  
  
I find myself thinking absently of Natsume as the wind blows through the trees and over my sweaty neck. I think, horror of horror, I may be tanning. There has to be something to fix that. I find myself thinking of our mother as I garden and dig up flowers, replace them in another bed, water and clip them. I find myself wondering just where she is now.  
  
I've heard rumor that clones don't have souls.  
  
So I sprinkle some pesticide on the plants, and hope for rain.  
  
  
  
  
  
-Ryo-  
  
  
  
Gawl.  
  
Gawl and Natsume.  
  
At one time, I thought that they would look cute together-a perfect couple. They just seemed to fit together, each folding around the other's faults. But after I found out the truth, I realised that their relationship-all of our relationships-had been distinctly different. But Gawl is with Masami here, and Koji is with his precious garden, and I'm. . . I'm just with everyone. I'm not in the future anymore, it didn't(doesn't?) happen. Which makes me wonder where we went in the future. Gawl grew up there, we all did, and if we technically haven't been born yet, who is thinking these words?  
  
Do we. . . really exist? Are us three human?  
  
Oh, no, sky, don't start to rain. Koji's out there gardening and being happy. He's never happy.  
  
All I ever wanted was a beautiful sky.  
  
I guess clouds might have to do to wash away the future. 


End file.
